A Slice of Humble Pie. Amen.
Yesterday I asked my husband if I was crazy. Of course he answered with a simple, resolute yes. Then I cried. I was serious this time. Was I crazy? This week had brought me to my knees.
Sickness had run through the entire family, including my sweet baby boy. I had missed work. My house was a disaster. I battled through a 102º fever with chills and body aches all while trying to care for a baby that is wholly dependent on me while my husband worked over the weekend. Once I was finally running at 75%, enough to go back to work, I had to figure out childcare because grandma, who is our childcare, caught our bug.
So on Tuesday, when I tried to work from home (because I have the most amazing bosses that really do put family first), I cried and diagnosed myself as a crazy person.
In reality, truth had just hit me in the face. Motherhood was hard. For the last 16 weeks, when anyone asked, I would say that it was all a breeze, which I really felt that way. Everything about being a mom felt second nature to me. Yes the hours were long. Yes sleep was little. Yes I was running on reserves that I didn’t know existed, but it all felt so good. I was on a baby high. I explained to my husband that while motherhood was “hard work,” I wouldn’t necessarily describe it that way. It gave him a football analogy (we do our best to speak each other's languages). Motherhood was like a football game. Yes it required hard work, but you do not describe a game as hard work - it is just an amazing adrenaline rush that requires hard work, but it just feels exciting - lights, action and all that jazz.
Anyways, me this week wants to slap that person in the face. Motherhood this week was just hard. It was not a football game with a huge adrenaline rush, screaming fans and a band and cheer squad pepping you on. No - this week, motherhood was 2-a-days in 106º Texas summer heat. This week motherhood was just hard work.
This week, while finally recovering from being sick, I realized God served me a big slice of humble pie. Motherhood is hard. It just is.
No I am not crazy; I am just a tired, overworked mamma. I also am a mom who needs to wholly rely on God like my son wholly relies on me. I think I forgot this in the middle of all the baby love high. When we forget this and try to do it all, it quite literally makes us feel crazy.
I hear ya on this one God. Amen!
Written on Dec. 7. Publish on Dec. 21 (because I am a working mom who runs on little sleep).