My Biggest Fears About Blogging
Lately with my blog, l have been wondering - why? A voice of insecurity, doubt and fear keeps creeping into my mind. This voice has actually been around for sometime; I have wanted to start a blog for a long time now, but sharing my writing has always felt scary. The voice has always taken over.
I fear the things I write now will not be my truth a few years from now.
I certainly would not want my middle school diary published online for all to see, so what if this blog one day brings the same kind of embarrassment years down the road. What is I don’t recognize my own voice or identity with my former thoughts, but they remain online for anyone to read in current time?
I have so much insecurity not knowing who my exact audience is.
How I talk to my mom is different than my husband, is different than my friend, is different than my co-worker, is different than the mom at the local grocery story - and so on. Writing and sharing a blog forces you to put yourself down on paper. There is no unique filter for each person. You are you in a blog, and your audience is your audience. To a people pleaser, this is scary.
As a mother, I worry about sharing my son’s story.
I want to make sure to always share my story and perspective and allow him to tell his own story one day. Blogging is my decision, not my son's. I want to protect his privacy and make sure as a young adult he can stand sure in everything that I have shared.
I also have fear about the digital world and cyber space.
There is so much unknown. The vastness of it all is intimidating. The idea of not being able to take it back once it is out there is daunting.
Needless to say, I enter into blogging with trepidation. I say I am diving into blogging for 2019, but really, it is more of a tip toe into waters with a life vest securely strapped on. I am scared to dive headfirst when I do not know what lies beneath the surface.
All of this being said, I still write.
I am determined to have my faith be bigger than my fears.
I have to have faith in my words. I have to have faith in the person I am today — making choices and thoughtfully sharing things I can be proud of tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Also, if I miss the mark for my future self, I have to have grace (it’s in the name of my blog, after all). I need to be confident in my own voice and not feel the need to change for each unique reader. I have to trust my mother’s intuition in what I share about my son. The reality is that my son is entering a digital world, and if I can teach him to thoughtfully and responsibly share, I will be serving him.
Lastly, I will write because I believe God has words for me to share.
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
My fear and insecurity wants to silence this truth. My fear says who are you to share and what of importance do you have to say. But scripture tells me who I am — God’s handiwork. Scripture also tells me I have work to do, prepared by God. So I write.
This last week, God helped to silence my fears— pointing me to my why and showing me a glimpse of what he has prepared for me.
On Monday, I shared a devotional at work from Lysa Terkeurst’s book, Embraced. I shared about the experience I wrote about in my blog, Nudges from God. After sharing with my co-workers, I had two people reach out about the impact it had on them. Them telling me that had an even larger impact on me. It showed me that my words can hold power, and what I decide to share can carry value — in fact, my own words have the possibility of carrying value in kingdom work.
So, if you are reading this. I thank you for swimming in these waters with me. I thank you for letting me, albeit timidly, share my writing in this blog.
I would also ask that you consider this quote from, Christine Caine:
The enemy will shame you in the area that God most wants to use you.
In what area of your life is fear speaking louder than faith? I would encourage you to step out in faith.